Shoot the Messenger

"Finding myself". I hate that phrase. To me, it describes nothing, and it is far too cliche, offering only an excuse. Alas I find myself using this phrase for lack of a better one. I am a creature who is misunderstood, but then again what else is new?

Therapists must be so frustrated with themselves at times. What a curse, to understand why you are the way you are, but not being able to do anything about it. I'm sorry. It's not easy to change one's character, please afford me the same patience I do for you. Do not think any less of me, please, just give me time. Alas time is often a luxury I do not have.

I cannot change what is out of my control, I can only do my best to ease the pain. You are however too busy with your troubles to see mine. I suppose mine aren't as important as yours, or perhaps I am not noble enough to be worthy of your time. I say this with both sarcasm and forlorn truth. I just can't do anything right, I always seem to fuck it up. I deserve it. I can't help but cry though.

I'm always walking on eggshells. That's probably why I'm so twitchy. I didn't want to be another statistic or a burden. That's probably why you think I'm acting mature. I feel so helpless. That's probably why I'm so controlling. I have been ignored so much. That's probably why you think I'm annoying. I absolutely hate upsetting you. That's probably why I walk away. I am always wrong.

That truly hurts.