In the Midst

How can something be so beautiful yet so ugly at the same time?

My Anti-Drug

The swirls and twirls, the whisps and curls.
The furls and hurls, the girls and their pearls.

The burns and yearns, and twists and turns.
The churns and ferns, and blissful concerns.

The smokes and chokes, and cloaks and folks.
The jokes and bloaks, the sales on cokes.

The schmucks and yucks, the bucks and chucks.
The sucks and plucks, those lucky fucks.

The hits and quits, the spits and wits.
The glitz and bits, leave the shits and pits.

The trips and flips, the grips on lips.
The chips and sips, the tips from crips.

The cash and hash, the ash and trash.
The smash and stash, the crash with no gash.

The moons and noons, the tunes and coons.
The saloons and spittoons, attract loons and goons.

The grubs and shrubs, the chubs from rubs.
And that wraps up this verse on dubs.

At the Mercy of Loki

Such mishaps couldn't possibly come from my karma.
Perhaps, but I fail to see the connection.
Why is it when I'm minding my own business,
the universe finds it a fine time to make life a bit more grim.
Things happen, and I can't find any particular reason why.
If I'm walking through the woods, and a tree falls on me,
and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Perhaps I should move Reverse Karma to the top of my To-Do list.

Reflections in the Glass

I pass by the open door, and at a quick glance
I could have sworn it was him.
Your manner is unforgettable, even with a new voice.
A joke told before, by someone so similar.
Even though you are far, your presence feels near,
I even find it in myself, as a constant reminder.

We're yelling and arguing again,
but I swear I hear her.
Stubborness like that is unmistakeable,
even when accompanied by sensibility.
A deju vu manifested, over and over again.
Putting distance between us is futile,
No matter where I turn, I'll always have to face you.

I look in the mirror, and see a reflection,
one with dark hair and dark eyes.

The Other Day

I realized how passive I really am.

You were right of course.


There's so much to say, but the words escape me.
So many unanswered questions, but where to start?
So much to explain, if only it could be understood.

I'm so tired. I should just do what I do best, and hold my tongue.

Shoot the Messenger

"Finding myself". I hate that phrase. To me, it describes nothing, and it is far too cliche, offering only an excuse. Alas I find myself using this phrase for lack of a better one. I am a creature who is misunderstood, but then again what else is new?

Therapists must be so frustrated with themselves at times. What a curse, to understand why you are the way you are, but not being able to do anything about it. I'm sorry. It's not easy to change one's character, please afford me the same patience I do for you. Do not think any less of me, please, just give me time. Alas time is often a luxury I do not have.

I cannot change what is out of my control, I can only do my best to ease the pain. You are however too busy with your troubles to see mine. I suppose mine aren't as important as yours, or perhaps I am not noble enough to be worthy of your time. I say this with both sarcasm and forlorn truth. I just can't do anything right, I always seem to fuck it up. I deserve it. I can't help but cry though.

I'm always walking on eggshells. That's probably why I'm so twitchy. I didn't want to be another statistic or a burden. That's probably why you think I'm acting mature. I feel so helpless. That's probably why I'm so controlling. I have been ignored so much. That's probably why you think I'm annoying. I absolutely hate upsetting you. That's probably why I walk away. I am always wrong.

That truly hurts.

"Back to Basics with Jesus"

When people put titles before their own personal judgement, they stop thinking and start believing.

Only God can judge me.

To be continued...

My Philosophy

Shit happens. All you can do is make the best with what you have.

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"Art is what you can get away with."~Andy Warhol

When Angels Deserve to Die

People don't seem to want to accept that their actions have reactions. Others only seem to have feelings when it's most convenient for you. When will you realize; you are not important, you do not matter, you are a speck on the ass of the universe, and the planets do not sway to your awesome might.

The golden rule is golden for a reason, and it's not because you keep it in your grandmother's jewelry box. Although I hold this rule close to my heart, I can't help but give people thier just dues. I am a strong believer of capital punishment.

I despise selfish folk."For God's sake, when will you grow up and take responsibility for your actions? Who woulda thunk that mean things could hurt."

Comfort does not come standard in the package of life, it is a privilage, one that most people abuse. One never truly loves the life they have until it's shattered. Tread through this world deserving nothing, and appreciating everything. Own up to your actions as well, because everything you do has a consequence. If you don't accept the blame, then you're just putting it on someone else.

And the moral of this story kids: Don't be a bitch.

The Way I See It...

Standing in lines builds character.

"If Six Was Nine"

"I'm the one that's gonna die when it's time for me to die/So let me live my life the way I want to."~Jimmi Hendrix

The Road Less Travelled

"Common sense and common courtesy aren't so common nowadays."~K.Nizzle.

The Life You Choose

In western cultures, if you were to ask someone where they see themselves ten years from now, most would say that they'll be in a better position than they are today. In some eastern cultures, you ask the same question and they reply that they'll be doing the same thing they are now.

Maybe we weren't all cut out to raise a family. Some people live in the same town their whole lives. Some work at the same job for 50 years. Some people just get up and go to work, and one day they just don't get up anymore. They leave behind not even the slightest legacy, they become a fading memory. Some people simply die alone. And that's ok. In the end we're all dying alone. Some of us are just doing it while others are watching.

The Rythm We Live By

A man dies.
She leaves the hall light on.
He curses the clock and the traffic.
They say their prayers.
She picks rice one grain at a time.
He lights up another one.
They pull their hoods on.
She finally says no.
He sweats more today than yesterday.
They take their rings off.
She swerves a near miss.
He kisses freedom goodbye.
They watch the plane take off.
She takes a deep breath.
He doesn't say a word.
They fill up another bag.
She slides in the car.
He writes a song.
They still keep it a secret.
She gives them up.
He steals a glance.
They cheer unconditionally.
She steps off the edge.
He blows out the candles.
They get out of control.
A man dies.
And the world doesn't miss a beat.

It's Not Fair

The squeeky wheel always gets the oil.
Why not just get a new wheel?

This Here is a Race, Love

And if you're not number one, then you're second best.

Wary Locals

Get your guns up boys and girls. There be strange folks in these parts...

I have Felt the Burn in My Throat

Many times has the sweet liquor perfumed the evening and kissed me goodnight, tucking in the worries, laying them to rest.
And often has the stinking aroma blanketed my troubled thoughts in a cloud, making reality irrelevant.
Both suffice in perverting my world in a weird contortion,
more than normal.
I sympathize more to the lonely drunkard than the lone smoker.
The difference lies in their motives, which coincidentally, are very similar.
Raised by the bottle and ruled by the haze.
I have always persecuted the former and defended the latter, and to my deepest regret.
Both unnecessary evils, yet both necessities in my life.
My preferences reveal what I am still afraid to accept, but it will take just as long to tear down the walls as it did to erect them, turning my back on the architect and looking towards the demolisher.
Can the cause be the cure if there is no cure? Does this explain why I justify it?
I'm just trying to see the world through their eyes.
Maybe then I can understand why they did it.

Knock On Wood

Wouldn't it be easy, if we could just say something, and it would happen.

I Have Come to Realize

Your strengths and your weaknesses are one in the same.

Tonight I Have Met My Equal

I am glad he is a kind man.
His response startled me, it was so unexpected.
He picked up on so much that little needed to be said,
especially in the time alloted.
I had never welcomed advice from anyone so readily
And everything about it was so appropriate.
I could easily say he changed my life for the better.
He is ideal.
Tonight I have met my equal.
And he wears glasses.

Love is a White Flag

To love someone is to surrender to them complete control over your body, mind, and soul.

A Pity

Chivalry is a thing of the past.
We are left with imitations.
None as grand as the genuine article.
And all to keep the peace.

I Dont Expect This to Make Sense To You

Domestication can do that to you, it takes you to a whole new world.
With a hungry wolf you know where they stand.
He'll tear you apart, fight to the death till one is left standing.
It's either you or him, and the animal in him tells him to choose himself, every time.
We hunt and kill the wolf for reasons that are obvious to us.

We say a dog is man's best friend.
Loyal, always happy to see you, full of endless love.
A dog does not, and cannot love you.
He merely sticks around because you're a better choice than the wild.
Take away their table scraps, warm bed, and tennis ball
and they'll show their true colors.

Why do we prefer the dog over the wolf?
Peculiar creatures we are, us humans.

To Conquer My Future...

Behind me is a door. Behind that door, a skeleton. He has been dead for some time now, and with him all his secrets. Oh how I wish to be that skeleton.

In Times Of Need

A creature born from helplessness thrives on lemons.

The Saddest Thing I Have Ever Known

I cry myself to sleep at night dreaming about it. My train has already passed, long ago. I have long run my legs off chasing after it, trying to board. Trailing in its path, choking on its dust, at times getting so close, I could almost have grasped the rail, and been whisked away. I could have joined the relieved faces who stared back from the windows, their expressions; some mocking, some full of pity. So bad did I want to join them, but I was too weak, I could not do it alone, without the guidance of those who bear thee. I have long given up the chase, fallen to my knees, and cried out in pain. I clawed at the dirt in agony and misery, frustration had taken over. The anger had grown hotter, the pain more mindsplitting. Isolated and alone, there was no one to relieve the sorrow. It raged on, the tears shed one after the other, fallen to the ground, forming a puddle after time, so long it seemed it would never end. I reached a climax, many times before. After a while it seemed pointless, no one could hear my cries, no one could help. I grew accustomed to my echoes. The headaches became unnoticeable. The tears were soon welcomed. I was fond of abandonment. I could not bear to leave it behind, no matter how unbearable it seemed, I clung on to it like a stray to a rotting piece of flesh. Without it I would have had no substance, no character, nothing. Something holds me back, keeps my teeth clenched. I fear the unknown. I had no intentions of boarding the next train. This, is the saddest thing that I have ever known.

Conundrum

The life line falls short. Every time. Is this a delusion conjoured by our own mixed minds, controlled by stubborness born and inbred from day one? Has the sick mind twisted, or been twisted by the events of our lives.